Home

By Britt Rios-Ellis

One of my Latina students recently asked me, “Why is it easier to have sex than it is to talk about it?”  It seems that the more sexually explicit information we are exposed to, the harder it is to form our own definitions of sexuality. I find this to be particularly true in communities where little discussion of sexuality has occurred in the home.  It is particularly interesting that when I asked this young woman if she enjoyed sex, she replied, “Kind of …well sometimes … not really.”  The lack of open sexual communication, combined with exposure to powerful sexual images, leaves many women feeling that they must live up to a prefabricated sexual image of themselves. Unfortunately, many women have come to equate their personal power with the degree of sexual desire they are able to evoke from males, often placing them at high risk for sexual violence, unplanned pregnancies and exposure to sexually transmitted infections, including the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV).

In 2005, an age where sex is virtually everywhere, few Latino parents discuss sex with their children and few Latinas feel comfortable discussing sex with their partners. Although difficult, the dialogue around sexuality has never been so important. Many parents fail to realize that when their children begin to ask sexually related questions and parents fail to answer; their children will seek answers from peers, who are liable to provide them with health-threatening misinformation. Latinos continue to die from AIDS faster than all racial/ethnic groups after being diagnosed with HIV and are more likely to be diagnosed with AIDS within 18 months of learning of their infection, according to the CDC and a report by the National Alliance of State and Territorial AIDS Directors in 2003. What has become very clear is that Latinos need HIV/AIDS educational models that are culturally relevant and enable clear and accurate sexual dialogue between partners and among families.

Poor sexual communication among Latinos may have the weight of generations to blame. Fear of reprisal, fear that he will think that she is more sexually experienced, and fear of a loss of trust in the relationship are common reasons to delay or avoid communication. Regrettably, the power of sexual knowledge and communication has been culturally consigned to the male, and Latinas often believe their partners will perceive them as sexually promiscuous or untrusting of their male partner’s behavior if they were to initiate sexual discussion. Whether male or female in an era of HIV/AIDS, we all have the responsibility to demystify sexuality and speak frankly about risk. The stereotyping of Latinas as sexually promiscuous in advertising and marketing schemes further complicates our ability to effectively communicate sexual boundaries and desires to men who may have pigeonholed and objectified Latinas before initiating intimacy.  This erroneous portrayal in the media causes women, particularly young women, to believe their power stems from their sexuality and their ability to attract males, although their true power comes from education and professional equality. 

Another difficult issue is pleasure in sex. From the media’s portrayal of power and sexuality, women learn to fake orgasm and often feel defective if they do not experience pleasure through sex; and men are taught that penetration leads to orgasm. Yet the clitoris is the route to orgasm for the overwhelming majority of women.

Young women have been duped into believing that sexual power equals the number of partners they have been able to attract. It is important to recognize that quantity is not equal to quality and that the quality of the sexual experience is often dictated by the ability to communicate sexual expectations and desires. In an era of great sexual risk, we must remember that a critical link to true freedom is responsibility.  Women must feel empowered enough to be sexually responsible and to protect themselves. In response to my students’ many questions about sex, I always reply, “A caveat of good sex is communication. Wait until you feel comfortable and have discussed each others’ sexual pasts, desires and needs.  If you haven’t talked about sex with your partner, don’t have sex.”

Britt Rios-Ellis, Ph.D., is a health science professor at California State University, Long Beach, and director of the NCLR/CSULB Center for Latino Community Health, Evaluation & Leadership Training. She works with the National Council of La Raza on a wide-reaching project involving in-depth interviews of 121 HIV-positive Latinos and 18 focus groups of high-risk and at-risk Latinos throughout the U.S.